1 00:00:07,048 --> 00:00:08,588 "MELISSA AND JOEY" IS RECORDED 2 00:00:08,589 --> 00:00:09,969 IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 3 00:00:09,970 --> 00:00:12,132 CHARLIE, THAT SOUNDS AWESOME, MAN. 4 00:00:12,133 --> 00:00:14,724 YEAH, LET ME JUST RUN IT BY MY BRIDE-TO-BE FIRST. 5 00:00:14,725 --> 00:00:17,397 HEY, WILL YOU STOP MAKING THAT WHIPPING SOUND, PLEASE? 6 00:00:17,398 --> 00:00:20,191 LETTING MEL KNOW MY SCHEDULE IS NOT THE SAME THING AS HANDING OVER MY... 7 00:00:21,902 --> 00:00:24,023 THEM. BYE. 8 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,905 HEY, THESE CAME FOR AUNT MEL. THEY'RE FROM GRANDPA RUSSELL. 9 00:00:25,906 --> 00:00:27,407 OH. 10 00:00:27,408 --> 00:00:29,199 "PUMPKIN, I'LL BE THERE TOMORROW TO WALK YOU DOWN THE AISLE. 11 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:30,950 SORRY I MISSED TODAY'S FLIGHT, THINGS GOT CRAZY 12 00:00:30,951 --> 00:00:33,203 WITH THE QANTAS GIRLS 13 00:00:33,204 --> 00:00:35,285 IN THE FREQUENT FLYER LOUNGE." 14 00:00:35,286 --> 00:00:39,289 MAN, GRANDPA RUSSELL IS SO COOL. 15 00:00:39,290 --> 00:00:41,252 AND QUITE A ROLE MODEL. 16 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,374 HEY, UH, WHERE IS YOUR AUNT? 17 00:00:44,375 --> 00:00:45,835 OH, SHE'S UPSTAIRS 18 00:00:45,836 --> 00:00:47,927 WITH YOUR MOM AND SISTER DOING BRIDE CRAP. 19 00:00:47,928 --> 00:00:49,339 OH. 20 00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:51,721 OKAY, SO... HAIR DOWN 21 00:00:51,722 --> 00:00:53,093 OR HAIR UP? 22 00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:55,385 MY JOEY'S BRIDE LOOKS GORGEOUS 23 00:00:55,386 --> 00:00:57,557 - NO MATTER HOW SHE WEARS HER HAIR. - AWW. 24 00:00:57,558 --> 00:01:00,180 MA, THE DAY BEFORE THE WEDDING IS NO TIME FOR B.S. 25 00:01:00,181 --> 00:01:01,981 - WEAR IT DOWN. - THANKS. 26 00:01:01,982 --> 00:01:04,604 YOU KNOW, I DON'T MAKE VERY GOOD DECISIONS ON A JUICE FAST. 27 00:01:04,605 --> 00:01:06,276 OH, YOU'RE NOT STICKING TO THAT JUICE FAST 28 00:01:06,277 --> 00:01:08,067 AT THE BACHELORETTE PARTY TONIGHT, ARE YOU? 29 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,029 YOUR BREATH SMELLS LIKE LAWN CLIPPINGS. 30 00:01:10,030 --> 00:01:12,071 - ( knocks ) - HEY, MEL, LISTEN, I GOTTA TALK... 31 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,993 - OH MY GOD, JOEY! - WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE? 32 00:01:13,994 --> 00:01:15,575 - Both: GET OUT! - HEY! 33 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,407 IT'S BAD LUCK FOR YOU TO SEE 34 00:01:17,408 --> 00:01:18,698 THE BRIDE IN HER DRESS 35 00:01:18,699 --> 00:01:19,869 BEFORE THE WEDDING. 36 00:01:19,870 --> 00:01:21,251 I GOTTA TALK TO HER FOR A MINUTE. 37 00:01:21,252 --> 00:01:22,702 - TALK FROM THE HALL! - GET OUT! 38 00:01:22,703 --> 00:01:25,586 - ALL RIGHT! I WANTED... MOM! - ( mother yells ) 39 00:01:28,259 --> 00:01:29,509 MEL? 40 00:01:29,510 --> 00:01:31,050 - YEAH? - LISTEN, UH... 41 00:01:31,051 --> 00:01:33,133 INSTEAD OF A BACHELOR PARTY, CHARLIE'S JUST TAKING ME OUT 42 00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:35,054 FOR A LITTLE LAST DAY OF ADVENTURE, OKAY? 43 00:01:35,055 --> 00:01:37,016 HAVE FUN, BUT PROMISE ME NOTHING DANGEROUS. 44 00:01:37,017 --> 00:01:39,269 DON'T GO BREAKING ANY PARTS I'M GONNA NEED ON THE HONEYMOON. 45 00:01:39,270 --> 00:01:42,563 YEAH, DON'T WORRY, I'LL KEEP ALL THE GOOD STUFF IN BUBBLE WRAP FOR YOU, BABY. 46 00:01:44,525 --> 00:01:45,525 WHAT? 47 00:01:45,526 --> 00:01:47,607 HE SAW YOU IN THE DRESS. 48 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,150 OH, COME ON, IT'S JUST A SUPERSTITION. 49 00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:51,401 OH, NOT SO. 50 00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:53,733 VINNY ZIRPOLO SAW HIS FIANCEE IN HER DRESS 51 00:01:53,734 --> 00:01:56,866 BEFORE THE WEDDING. HE GOT HIT BY LIGHTNING ON THE WAY TO THE CHURCH. 52 00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:59,619 HE DIDN'T LIKE WOMEN AFTER THAT. 53 00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,241 WELL, I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT THAT WITH JOE. 54 00:02:01,242 --> 00:02:05,455 FABIO MARCOTULLI SAW HIS FIANCEE IN HER DRESS BEFORE THE WEDDING. 55 00:02:05,456 --> 00:02:07,627 AFTER THE CEREMONY, SHE GOT RICE 56 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:10,460 THROWN IN HER EYE AND WENT BLIND. 57 00:02:10,461 --> 00:02:12,342 WITH THIS JUICE FAST, IF ANYONE STARTS THROWING RICE 58 00:02:12,343 --> 00:02:13,923 I'M GONNA CATCH IT IN MY MOUTH. 59 00:02:13,924 --> 00:02:15,715 UGH, I MISS CHEWING. 60 00:02:15,716 --> 00:02:18,928 YOU KNOW, JOEY SAW TIFFANY IN HER DRESS BEFORE THE WEDDING. 61 00:02:18,929 --> 00:02:21,100 MM-HMM AND HOW'D THAT MARRIAGE WORK OUT, HUH? 62 00:02:21,101 --> 00:02:22,763 - HUH? HMM? - HUH? EH? 63 00:02:24,355 --> 00:02:27,527 SO... I'M GETTING A NEW DRESS. 64 00:02:27,528 --> 00:02:28,898 ( theme music playing ) 65 00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:30,690 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD ♪ - ♪ All good ♪ 66 00:02:30,691 --> 00:02:32,071 - ♪ IT'S OKAY ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪ 67 00:02:32,072 --> 00:02:33,943 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 68 00:02:33,944 --> 00:02:35,655 ♪ AS FAR AS I CAN SEE ♪ 69 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,537 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD ♪ - ♪ All good ♪ 70 00:02:37,538 --> 00:02:39,038 - ♪ IT'S OKAY ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪ 71 00:02:39,039 --> 00:02:41,080 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 72 00:02:41,081 --> 00:02:43,873 ♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪ 73 00:02:43,874 --> 00:02:46,957 ♪ WITH ME ♪ 74 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,921 YOU KNOW, WHY WOULD YOU GET SOMETHING NEW 75 00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:53,713 WHEN YOU CAN GET A TOTALLY AWESOME SUIT 76 00:02:53,714 --> 00:02:56,095 AT THE THRIFT STORE FOR LIKE 12 BUCKS. 77 00:02:56,096 --> 00:02:58,428 IS THAT A BLOODSTAIN? 78 00:02:58,429 --> 00:03:01,140 YEAH, I THINK SOME GUY GOT SHOT IN IT. 79 00:03:01,141 --> 00:03:04,894 OH, AND THEY THREW IN THIS AWESOME FEZ 80 00:03:04,895 --> 00:03:07,767 FOR FREE. 81 00:03:07,768 --> 00:03:09,649 WHICH YOU ARE NEVER WEARING IN PUBLIC. 82 00:03:09,650 --> 00:03:12,112 OKAY, YEAH, WE'LL SAVE IT FOR PRIVATE TIME. 83 00:03:14,575 --> 00:03:16,946 HEY, GUESS WHO ARRIVED WHILE YOU GUYS WERE OUT? 84 00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:18,908 JOE'S SISTER THERESA... 85 00:03:18,909 --> 00:03:21,872 AND HER SON MARCO. 86 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:23,993 OH. 87 00:03:23,994 --> 00:03:26,376 SO WHO'S "MARCO"? 88 00:03:26,377 --> 00:03:28,788 UH, JOE'S NEPHEW. WHEN WE WENT TO NEW JERSEY 89 00:03:28,789 --> 00:03:30,590 LAST YEAR, MARCO SHOWED ME AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD. 90 00:03:30,591 --> 00:03:31,881 BUT YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT ANY BIG DEAL. 91 00:03:31,882 --> 00:03:33,753 HE PROBABLY DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER ME. 92 00:03:33,754 --> 00:03:35,926 I THOUGHT I HEARD AN ANGEL'S VOICE. 93 00:03:37,838 --> 00:03:40,680 HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOUR EYES ARE SPARKLING 94 00:03:40,681 --> 00:03:43,102 EVEN MORE THAN THE LAST TIME I SAW THEM? 95 00:03:43,103 --> 00:03:44,143 LOOK AT THAT, HE REMEMBERS YOU. 96 00:03:44,144 --> 00:03:46,766 YEAH. HEY, MARCO. 97 00:03:46,767 --> 00:03:49,309 I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY BOYFRIEND ZANDER. 98 00:03:49,310 --> 00:03:51,060 HER LONG-TERM BOYFRIEND ZANDER. 99 00:03:51,061 --> 00:03:52,772 RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT. 100 00:03:52,773 --> 00:03:56,065 THE ONE SHE WAS ON THE PAUSE FROM. 101 00:03:56,066 --> 00:03:59,779 YES, BUT NOW WE ARE VERY UN-PAUSED. 102 00:03:59,780 --> 00:04:01,621 GOT IT. BY THE WAY, 103 00:04:01,622 --> 00:04:02,783 NICE HAT, ALADDIN. 104 00:04:05,456 --> 00:04:06,916 ( Joe laughing ) OH MAN, CHARLIE. 105 00:04:06,917 --> 00:04:08,628 I GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING, BUDDY. 106 00:04:08,629 --> 00:04:11,040 THAT WAS THE BEST NON-BACHELOR PARTY I COULD EVER HAVE. 107 00:04:11,041 --> 00:04:12,962 DUDE, YOU WERE A MADMAN OUT THERE. 108 00:04:12,963 --> 00:04:14,634 WHAT, DO YOU GOT A DEATH WISH? 109 00:04:14,635 --> 00:04:16,255 OH YEAH, CLEARLY YOU DO. 110 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,257 YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW. 111 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,799 WHAT A SWEET THOUGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT, 112 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:21,011 I SHOULD HAVE YOU WRITE MY VOWS. 113 00:04:22,723 --> 00:04:25,054 ( muttering ) STUPID... 114 00:04:25,055 --> 00:04:26,686 HEY, ZANDER. YOU DID PRETTY GOOD 115 00:04:26,687 --> 00:04:28,648 FOR YOUR FIRST RIDE OUT THERE, BUDDY. 116 00:04:28,649 --> 00:04:30,059 AND WITHOUT TRAINING WHEELS. 117 00:04:30,060 --> 00:04:31,891 YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU TRIED TO RUN ME OFF THE ROAD. 118 00:04:31,892 --> 00:04:33,393 OH, YOU DIDN'T NOTICE? 119 00:04:33,394 --> 00:04:35,395 WE WERE ALL OFF-ROAD. 120 00:04:35,396 --> 00:04:36,856 I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO, OKAY? 121 00:04:36,857 --> 00:04:38,107 YOU'RE TRYING TO GET ME OUT OF THE WAY. 122 00:04:38,108 --> 00:04:41,781 IF THIS IS ABOUT ME AND LENNOX, TRUST ME... 123 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,323 NOTHING HAPPENED. 124 00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:45,705 ( Ryder laughs ) 125 00:04:45,706 --> 00:04:48,708 IT'S FUNNY HOW HE MAKES "NOTHING" SOUND LIKE SOMETHING. 126 00:04:48,709 --> 00:04:51,621 ( laughs mockingly ) YEAH, IT'S HILARIOUS. 127 00:04:51,622 --> 00:04:54,414 GUYS, THIS ENDS RIGHT NOW, COME ON. 128 00:04:54,415 --> 00:04:57,917 AND LISTEN, WHEN WE GET BACK, WHAT HAPPENED HERE TODAY 129 00:04:57,918 --> 00:04:59,839 IS NEVER SPOKEN ABOUT AGAIN. 130 00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:01,421 YOU GOT IT? 131 00:05:01,422 --> 00:05:02,592 I SAID YOU GOT IT? 132 00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:04,013 - YEAH, SURE. - YEAH, THAT'S FINE. 133 00:05:04,014 --> 00:05:07,056 RYDER, I GOTTA SAY I'M PRETTY PROUD. 134 00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:10,019 YOU REMEMBERED EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT BEING SAFE OUT THERE. 135 00:05:10,020 --> 00:05:11,691 YEAH, I DID. HEY, UP TOP. 136 00:05:11,692 --> 00:05:12,692 YEAH! 137 00:05:12,693 --> 00:05:14,354 OH! 138 00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:16,195 OH MY GOD. IS THE BIKE OKAY? 139 00:05:16,196 --> 00:05:18,938 YEAH, THAT'S THE CONCERN... THE BIKE. 140 00:05:18,939 --> 00:05:21,651 UH-HUH, WILL THE BIKE BE ABLE TO WALK DOWN THE AISLE TOMORROW? 141 00:05:21,652 --> 00:05:23,863 OH... OH... 142 00:05:23,864 --> 00:05:25,034 I GOT IT. I'M GOOD, I'M GOOD. 143 00:05:25,035 --> 00:05:26,907 I'M... OH! 144 00:05:30,751 --> 00:05:33,212 OKAY, NOBODY CAN EVER TELL JOE THAT I SPENT THIS MUCH MONEY 145 00:05:33,213 --> 00:05:35,334 ON A SECOND DRESS BECAUSE OF SOME SILLY SUPERSTITION. 146 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,957 WELL, ISN'T JOEY GONNA KNOW YOU'RE WEARING A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT DRESS? 147 00:05:37,958 --> 00:05:39,298 NO, HE'S A GUY. 148 00:05:39,299 --> 00:05:43,092 ALL THEY NOTICE IS DRESS AND WHITE AND CLEAVAGE. 149 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:45,304 SHE'S NOT WRONG. 150 00:05:45,305 --> 00:05:47,597 JOE, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE GONNA BE ABLE TO DANCE IN TIME 151 00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:49,889 - FOR THIS WEDDING TOMORROW? - YES, I'M GONNA BE FINE. 152 00:05:49,890 --> 00:05:52,562 LOOK, CHARLIE KNOWS THIS GUY, HE'S A DOCTOR. 153 00:05:52,563 --> 00:05:54,474 WELL, HE'S SORT OF A DOCTOR, 154 00:05:54,475 --> 00:05:56,065 ALL OF HIS PATIENTS ARE HORSES. 155 00:05:56,066 --> 00:05:58,027 BUT HE SAID HE'S GOT THIS CONCOCTION 156 00:05:58,028 --> 00:06:00,069 THAT WILL FOR SURE HAVE ME ON MY FEET BY TOMORROW. 157 00:06:00,070 --> 00:06:02,241 SO HERE, HE GAVE ME THE ADDRESS THERE. 158 00:06:02,242 --> 00:06:03,823 OKAY. HEY, LET'S GET YOU TO THE COUCH. 159 00:06:03,824 --> 00:06:04,984 I CAN GET MYSELF TO THE COUCH. 160 00:06:04,985 --> 00:06:07,617 JUST GO GET ME MY HORSE DRUGS. 161 00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:09,328 JOE, ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A REAL DOCTOR? 162 00:06:09,329 --> 00:06:12,041 HIS ADDRESS JUST SAYS, "BEIGE VAN." 163 00:06:12,042 --> 00:06:13,953 WILL YOU JUST GO, PLEASE? 164 00:06:13,954 --> 00:06:15,125 OKAY. 165 00:06:18,839 --> 00:06:20,420 JOE, YOU'RE HOME. HIDE IT. 166 00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:22,552 YES, AND I'M FINE. HIDE WHAT? 167 00:06:22,553 --> 00:06:24,634 OH, I... I CAN'T HIDE MY FEELINGS 168 00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:26,806 - FOR YOU, SWEETIE. - OH. 169 00:06:26,807 --> 00:06:28,808 SO WE SHOULD PRACTICE OUR FIRST DANCE RIGHT NOW. 170 00:06:28,809 --> 00:06:30,600 WHOA, NOW? NO, NOW WOULDN'T BE A GOOD IDEA. 171 00:06:30,601 --> 00:06:32,972 - WE DON'T EVEN HAVE THE MUSIC, SWEETIE. - OH, WELL... 172 00:06:32,973 --> 00:06:35,065 - ( dance music playing ) - NOW WE DO. 173 00:06:37,227 --> 00:06:39,779 OKAY, ALL RIGHT. LET'S DO IT. 174 00:06:39,780 --> 00:06:42,401 READY? HERE WE GO. HEY, YEAH, GOOD GOOD. 175 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,073 THAT'S GREAT. THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE. 176 00:06:44,074 --> 00:06:45,735 WOW. 177 00:06:45,736 --> 00:06:46,826 OKAY, HERE WE GO. 178 00:06:46,827 --> 00:06:47,907 THIS WAY, OKAY. NOW BACK. 179 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,869 YES, BEAUTIFUL. NO, NOW THIS WAY. 180 00:06:49,870 --> 00:06:51,831 THERE WE GO, YEAH. 181 00:06:51,832 --> 00:06:54,744 - YOU'RE DOING SO GOOD. - YEAH, YOU'RE NOT SO BAD YOURSELF, HONEY. 182 00:06:54,745 --> 00:06:55,745 YEP YEP... OH! 183 00:06:55,746 --> 00:06:56,876 OW! OKAY. 184 00:06:56,877 --> 00:06:58,167 - DID I HURT YOU? - NOPE. NOPE. 185 00:06:58,168 --> 00:07:00,419 NO NO NO NO NO. I'M FINE. I'M FINE. 186 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:01,921 CAN YOU STAND? 187 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:02,962 YEP. 188 00:07:02,963 --> 00:07:06,095 YOU MEAN NOW? 189 00:07:06,096 --> 00:07:08,347 SURE, YEP. ( sighs ) 190 00:07:08,348 --> 00:07:09,679 SEE? 191 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:10,720 ( gasps ) 192 00:07:10,721 --> 00:07:12,472 OH NO, WHAT DID I DO TO YOU? 193 00:07:12,473 --> 00:07:14,684 OH, YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, HONEY. IT'S... IT'S... 194 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:16,606 IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU JUST HAPPENED TO STEP ON 195 00:07:16,607 --> 00:07:19,609 THIS OLD BONE SPUR THAT I HAVE FROM THIS... 196 00:07:19,610 --> 00:07:21,270 THIS OLD... 197 00:07:21,271 --> 00:07:23,563 - KICKBOXING INJURY. - WHAT? 198 00:07:23,564 --> 00:07:25,695 - WHEN DID YOU EVER KICKBOX? - YEAH, IT'S NOT REALLY IMPORTANT. 199 00:07:25,696 --> 00:07:27,196 I'M IN A LOT OF PAIN HERE, SWEETIE. 200 00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:29,368 I'M SUCH A KLUTZ. I CAN'T BELIEVE 201 00:07:29,369 --> 00:07:31,370 I WASN'T MORE CAREFUL THE DAY BEFORE OUR WEDDING. 202 00:07:31,371 --> 00:07:33,032 OH, YEAH, WHAT'S DONE IS DONE. 203 00:07:33,033 --> 00:07:35,034 I'LL BE BACK ON MY FEET BY TOMORROW. 204 00:07:35,035 --> 00:07:37,166 OH, THAT'S MY JOE. 205 00:07:37,167 --> 00:07:38,998 SO BRAVE... 206 00:07:38,999 --> 00:07:41,250 AND SO DELUSIONAL. YOU CAN'T EVEN STAND. 207 00:07:41,251 --> 00:07:42,962 MAYBE WE SHOULD POSTPONE THE WEDDING. 208 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,544 NO NO NO NO NO. 209 00:07:44,545 --> 00:07:46,465 LOOK, HONEY, IT'S GONNA BE FINE. I ALREADY HAVE 210 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,467 RYDER OUT PICKING ME UP SOME PILLS TO TAKE CARE OF THIS. 211 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,930 WAIT. SO YOU KNEW I WAS GONNA STEP 212 00:07:50,931 --> 00:07:53,013 ON YOUR OLD INJURY BEFORE IT HAPPENED? 213 00:07:56,897 --> 00:07:57,938 NO. 214 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,190 NO. WHAT DID I... 215 00:08:01,191 --> 00:08:02,401 DID I JUST... 216 00:08:02,402 --> 00:08:04,944 I MEANT I'M GOING TO SEND RYDER 217 00:08:04,945 --> 00:08:06,696 TO PICK UP SOME PILLS. 218 00:08:06,697 --> 00:08:08,948 SEE, THE PAIN IS MESSING WITH MY VERB TENSES, SWEETIE. 219 00:08:08,949 --> 00:08:10,740 IT'S... IT'S FINE. LOOK LOOK LOOK. 220 00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:12,451 YOU KNOW, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, 221 00:08:12,452 --> 00:08:13,913 IT'S NOBODY'S FAULT. 222 00:08:13,914 --> 00:08:15,996 MAYBE YOURS A LITTLE. 223 00:08:23,333 --> 00:08:26,546 SO WHAT DID ALL YOU GUYS DO FOR YOUR BIG SECRET ADVENTURE? 224 00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:28,217 AH, YOU KNOW, BOY STUFF. 225 00:08:28,218 --> 00:08:30,390 YOU HAVE MUD IN YOUR EAR. 226 00:08:32,763 --> 00:08:34,014 DIRTY BOY STUFF. 227 00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:38,598 - THERE SHE IS. - GRANDMA, CAN I TAKE THIS OFF NOW? 228 00:08:38,599 --> 00:08:40,560 NOT YET. YOU AND LENNOX 229 00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:42,942 ARE A COUPLE IN THE PROCESSIONAL. 230 00:08:42,943 --> 00:08:44,854 AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN PRACTICED. 231 00:08:44,855 --> 00:08:47,987 DO YOU TWO EVEN KNOW HOW YOU'RE GONNA WALK DOWN THE AISLE? 232 00:08:47,988 --> 00:08:50,990 OH WELL, I WAS THINKING THAT I'D GO WITH RIGHT-LEFT-RIGHT. 233 00:08:50,991 --> 00:08:53,072 HEY, ME TOO. 234 00:08:53,073 --> 00:08:54,994 HAR-DEE-HAR. 235 00:08:54,995 --> 00:08:56,116 LET ME SEE WHAT YOU GOT. 236 00:08:58,418 --> 00:09:00,960 UM... YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK I CAN WING IT TOMORROW. 237 00:09:00,961 --> 00:09:03,042 YEAH, I DON'T THINK WE'LL HAVE ANY TROUBLE 238 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,125 MOVING TOGETHER RHYTHMICALLY. 239 00:09:08,218 --> 00:09:11,051 OH! I JUST GOT THAT. ( laughing ) 240 00:09:12,432 --> 00:09:15,134 OH, YOU BAD BOY. 241 00:09:15,135 --> 00:09:17,727 I'LL LEAVE THE TWO OF YOU TO PRACTICE ALONE. 242 00:09:17,728 --> 00:09:20,941 I'M RIGHT HERE. 243 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,983 YEAH, YOU KNOW, MARCO, I DON'T KNOW WHY 244 00:09:23,984 --> 00:09:26,145 YOU'RE ALWAYS SAYING THINGS LIKE THERE'S SOME HIDDEN MEANING. 245 00:09:26,146 --> 00:09:28,397 YEAH, IT'S LIKE IN HIS MIND HE THINKS HE'S YOUR... 246 00:09:28,398 --> 00:09:30,189 JERSEY BOYFRIEND. 247 00:09:30,190 --> 00:09:31,692 NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH. 248 00:09:34,114 --> 00:09:35,115 NOTHING. 249 00:09:36,997 --> 00:09:39,248 YOU KNOW, I GOTTA BE HONEST. YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE ABOUT THAT GUY? 250 00:09:39,249 --> 00:09:40,751 NOTHING. 251 00:09:46,506 --> 00:09:48,337 PSST, JOE. 252 00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,049 GOT THE STUFF. 253 00:09:50,050 --> 00:09:51,631 YOU CAN STOP WHISPERING, ALL RIGHT. 254 00:09:51,632 --> 00:09:53,342 MEL AND THE LADIES ARE STILL OUT ON THEIR PUB CRAWL. 255 00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:55,595 BUT TALKING LIKE THIS IS STILL KINDA FUN. 256 00:09:57,217 --> 00:09:59,218 OKAY. HERE IT IS. 257 00:09:59,219 --> 00:10:01,020 WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE. THAT... THAT'S A SHOT. 258 00:10:01,021 --> 00:10:03,313 - THERE'S NO PILLS? - JOE, ARE YOU AFRAID OF NEEDLES? 259 00:10:04,725 --> 00:10:05,775 NO. 260 00:10:05,776 --> 00:10:07,276 NO! 261 00:10:07,277 --> 00:10:08,688 IT'S OKAY IF YOU ARE, YOU KNOW? 262 00:10:08,689 --> 00:10:10,529 EVERYONE'S SCARED OF SOMETHING. I'VE GOT A FEAR. 263 00:10:10,530 --> 00:10:12,732 - I DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT IT. - WAX DUMMIES. 264 00:10:12,733 --> 00:10:14,784 WHAT PART OF "I DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT IT" WAS UNCLEAR TO YOU? 265 00:10:14,785 --> 00:10:16,535 ONE TIME WE WENT ON THIS TRIP TO NEW YORK. 266 00:10:16,536 --> 00:10:19,118 WE WALK INTO THE WAX MUSEUM, RIGHT? 267 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,912 AND THERE'S LARRY KING. AND HE'S JUST SITTING THERE LIKE... 268 00:10:26,166 --> 00:10:28,127 I'M LOOKING AT HIM, HE'S STARING AT ME 269 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,379 AND I SEE THE BEADS OF SWEAT DRIPPING DOWN HIS FACE. 270 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:33,172 I MEAN, WHY DO THEY GOTTA PUT BEADS OF SWEAT ON HIM, YOU KNOW? 271 00:10:33,173 --> 00:10:36,636 IT'S LIKE NO 12-YEAR-OLD NEEDS TO SEE A WET LARRY KING. 272 00:10:39,099 --> 00:10:40,469 ( sighs ) 273 00:10:40,470 --> 00:10:42,471 CLEARLY YOU WERE SCARRED. 274 00:10:42,472 --> 00:10:44,063 - WELL, MY POINT... - OH GOOD. 275 00:10:44,064 --> 00:10:46,145 ...IS EVERYONE'S GOT FEARS, YOU KNOW? 276 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,027 YOU NEED THIS SHOT, JOE. IT'S THE ONLY WAY 277 00:10:48,028 --> 00:10:49,438 YOU'RE GONNA GET BETTER FOR THE DANCE. 278 00:10:49,439 --> 00:10:51,190 I KNOW, BUT I CAN'T GIVE THE SHOT TO MYSELF. 279 00:10:51,191 --> 00:10:54,074 SO... IF I'M GETTING THE SHOT... 280 00:10:55,615 --> 00:10:57,076 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DO IT. 281 00:10:57,077 --> 00:10:58,739 AWESOME. 282 00:11:02,743 --> 00:11:04,163 HOW DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THAT? 283 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,335 WATCHED A LOT OF "GREY'S ANATOMY." 284 00:11:07,547 --> 00:11:09,588 OKEYDOKEY, PUT YOUR LEG UP. 285 00:11:09,589 --> 00:11:11,170 I'M RETHINKING THIS. 286 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,712 DO YOU WANNA GET BETTER OR NOT? 287 00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:14,213 OKAY, FINE. 288 00:11:14,214 --> 00:11:16,215 ALL RIGHT. 289 00:11:16,216 --> 00:11:18,057 ( clears throat ) OKAY, ON THE COUNT OF FIVE, OKAY? 290 00:11:18,058 --> 00:11:19,348 - SO WE'RE GOING ON FIVE? - YEAH. 291 00:11:19,349 --> 00:11:20,970 OKAY, FIVE. ALL RIGHT, READY. 292 00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:22,011 - ONE... - MM-HMM. 293 00:11:22,012 --> 00:11:23,223 - TWO! - WHAT THE... 294 00:11:24,895 --> 00:11:27,227 - WHAT HAPPENED TO FIVE? - OOH, I GOT EXCITED. 295 00:11:31,111 --> 00:11:32,571 ( women laughing ) 296 00:11:32,572 --> 00:11:34,864 WOOO! WOOO! 297 00:11:34,865 --> 00:11:36,736 WHO KNEW TOLEDO HAD SUCH A NIGHTLIFE? 298 00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:38,117 I DID. 299 00:11:38,118 --> 00:11:40,079 OH, AND THAT'S WHY SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND. 300 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:43,162 - I LOVE YOU, JACKIE-WACKIE. - I LOVE YOU, MELLY-BELLY. 301 00:11:43,163 --> 00:11:45,875 NOW YOU GET SOME SLEEP BEFORE YOUR BIG DAY TOMORROW. 302 00:11:45,876 --> 00:11:48,788 GOD, THE ROOM IS SPINNING. 303 00:11:48,789 --> 00:11:50,459 MAYBE ONE MORE DRINK WILL SLOW IT DOWN. 304 00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:52,251 OH HEY, STAY FOR A NIGHTCAP. 305 00:11:52,252 --> 00:11:54,383 - I'M GOING BACK TO THE BAR. - AT 2:00 A.M.? 306 00:11:54,384 --> 00:11:56,135 WELL, THERE'S NO ONE IN THIS ROOM 307 00:11:56,136 --> 00:11:58,098 I WANNA HOOK UP WITH. I MEAN, NO OFFENSE. 308 00:11:59,389 --> 00:12:01,140 - HERE, MA. - OH, NO THANKS. 309 00:12:01,141 --> 00:12:04,013 I'M TOO MUCH OF A LADY TO PUKE IN A TRASH CAN. 310 00:12:04,014 --> 00:12:06,936 GOOD NIGHT, MISS BURKE. 311 00:12:06,937 --> 00:12:09,228 OH, "MISS BURKE." 312 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,851 LAST TIME YOU'LL BE HEARING THAT, HUH? 313 00:12:11,852 --> 00:12:14,113 - GOOD NIGHT, HONEY. - GOOD NIGHT. 314 00:12:14,114 --> 00:12:16,735 UGH, IT WAS AWESOME HEARING ALL THOSE CHILDHOOD STORIES 315 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,067 ABOUT JOE. 316 00:12:18,068 --> 00:12:20,069 AND IT WAS SO ADORABLE THAT HE USED TO CARRY 317 00:12:20,070 --> 00:12:22,031 A BRIEFCASE IN FOURTH GRADE. 318 00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:25,574 YEAH, IT WAS FILLED WITH FRUIT ROLL-UPS 319 00:12:25,575 --> 00:12:28,247 AND STRING CHEESE. 320 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:31,000 - ( both laughing ) - JOE WOULD BE SO EMBARRASSED 321 00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:32,872 IF HE KNEW YOU TOLD ME ALL HIS SECRETS. 322 00:12:32,873 --> 00:12:34,794 I DIDN'T TELL YOU EVERYTHING ABOUT JOE. 323 00:12:34,795 --> 00:12:37,217 I MEAN, EVEN JOE DOESN'T KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT JOE. 324 00:12:38,969 --> 00:12:41,051 THIS COUCH IS VERY SLEEPABLE. 325 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,763 - WAIT WAIT WAIT. NO NO NO, NO SLEEPING. - OH. 326 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,555 YOU CAN'T JUST TEASE ME AND PASS OUT. 327 00:12:46,556 --> 00:12:49,098 I HAD ENOUGH OF THAT IN COLLEGE. 328 00:12:49,099 --> 00:12:52,021 SO WHAT DOESN'T JOE KNOW ABOUT JOE? 329 00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:54,023 OH, I CAN'T TELL YOU. 330 00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:56,065 MY LIPS ARE SEALED. 331 00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:59,069 TURN THE KEY AND THROW AWAY THE ZIPPER. 332 00:13:00,610 --> 00:13:02,321 ( yawning ) YOU'LL NEVER GUESS IT EITHER. 333 00:13:02,322 --> 00:13:04,904 YOU'LL NEVER GUESS THAT JOE HAS A 13-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER 334 00:13:04,905 --> 00:13:06,456 HE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT. 335 00:13:08,829 --> 00:13:10,119 ( giggles ) WHOOPSIE. 336 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:12,121 I DID NOT SAY THAT. 337 00:13:12,122 --> 00:13:15,294 WAIT, JOE HAS A DAUGHTER?! 338 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,916 SHH. 339 00:13:16,917 --> 00:13:17,917 NO, WHAT... 340 00:13:17,918 --> 00:13:19,178 HOW? WHERE? 341 00:13:19,179 --> 00:13:21,090 WHO'S THE MOM? YOU GOTTA TELL ME MORE. 342 00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:23,302 DON'T START WITH ME, MA. I'M TIRED. 343 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,473 WHAT? NO, OKAY. 344 00:13:24,474 --> 00:13:25,925 DON'T SLEEP. DON'T SLEEP. 345 00:13:25,926 --> 00:13:28,097 THERESA! HEY HEY! 346 00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:30,189 COME ON. COME ON. 347 00:13:30,190 --> 00:13:32,192 ( snores ) 348 00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:41,070 THERESA! 349 00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:42,862 WAKE UP! WAKE UP! 350 00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:44,073 HEY... 351 00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:45,364 - HEY. - HEY. 352 00:13:45,365 --> 00:13:47,326 GOOD MORNING. OH YEAH, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. 353 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,578 SHE SLEEPS LIKE A LOG. YOU'D HAVE BETTER LUCK CHOPPING HER DOWN 354 00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:50,950 THAN YOU WILL WAKING HER UP. 355 00:13:50,951 --> 00:13:53,332 OH, HONEY. CHECK THIS OUT. 356 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,793 YOU READY? 357 00:13:54,794 --> 00:13:57,166 WHAT? YES, I'M BACK. 358 00:13:57,167 --> 00:13:59,879 THAT'S RIGHT, AND I AM READY TO STRUT YOU DOWN THE AISLE TODAY. 359 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,130 AW, THAT'S GREAT, JOE. 360 00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:02,301 ARE YOU OKAY? 361 00:14:02,302 --> 00:14:04,964 YEAH SURE, FINE. 362 00:14:04,965 --> 00:14:07,346 OH, JEEZ. OKAY. 363 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,178 SHE TOLD YOU SOMETHING EMBARRASSING 364 00:14:09,179 --> 00:14:10,769 ABOUT ME LAST NIGHT, DIDN'T SHE? 365 00:14:10,770 --> 00:14:13,182 WELL, UM... 366 00:14:13,183 --> 00:14:14,523 I DON'T WANT TO FREAK YOU OUT, 367 00:14:14,524 --> 00:14:18,567 BUT SHE DID SAY SOMETHING ABOUT... 368 00:14:18,568 --> 00:14:19,608 MY BRIEFCASE? 369 00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,860 - THAT'S IT. - I KNEW IT. 370 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,193 LOOK, THAT WAS AN AWESOME BRIEFCASE, ALL RIGHT? 371 00:14:24,194 --> 00:14:26,285 EVERY KID IN THAT CLASS WANTED THAT BRIEFCASE. 372 00:14:26,286 --> 00:14:28,247 WHATEVER, I'M OVER IT. I'M NOT GONNA RETALIATE. 373 00:14:28,248 --> 00:14:30,119 ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK I WILL. 374 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,491 I THINK I'M GONNA JUST DRAW A LITTLE MUSTACHE ON HER FACE. 375 00:14:32,492 --> 00:14:34,753 - JOE! - YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. SHE'S A LONGO. 376 00:14:34,754 --> 00:14:36,755 SHE'LL HAVE ONE FOR REAL IN A COUPLE YEARS ANYWAY. 377 00:14:36,756 --> 00:14:37,997 ALL RIGHT. 378 00:14:37,998 --> 00:14:39,129 I'M GONNA GO GET DRESSED. 379 00:14:42,342 --> 00:14:43,963 HEY, I STILL HAVE THAT BRIEFCASE. 380 00:14:43,964 --> 00:14:45,135 IT'S STILL AWESOME. 381 00:14:47,057 --> 00:14:48,137 OW! OH! 382 00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:49,598 WHAT WAS THAT FOR? 383 00:14:49,599 --> 00:14:51,720 YOU HAVE TO TELL ME MORE ABOUT JOE'S SECRET DAUGHTER. 384 00:14:51,721 --> 00:14:54,223 JOE HAS A SECRET DAUGHTER? 385 00:14:54,224 --> 00:14:56,976 FINE, PLAY IT THAT WAY. I AM JUST GONNA SEND YOUR HUSBAND 386 00:14:56,977 --> 00:14:59,478 THIS PHOTO OF YOU FLASHING THE BARTENDER FROM LAST NIGHT. 387 00:14:59,479 --> 00:15:00,819 WHAT? NO, YOU WOULDN'T! 388 00:15:00,820 --> 00:15:02,651 I AM A BRIDE ON A JUICE FAST. 389 00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:04,573 THERE IS NO TELLING WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF. 390 00:15:04,574 --> 00:15:06,365 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 391 00:15:06,366 --> 00:15:07,656 LOOK... 392 00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:09,788 ( sighs ) THE MOM'S NAME IS FELICIA. 393 00:15:09,789 --> 00:15:11,290 SHE LIVED DOWN THE STREET FROM US. 394 00:15:11,291 --> 00:15:13,122 14 YEARS AGO JOE CAME HOME 395 00:15:13,123 --> 00:15:15,294 AND I HAD A BIG NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY. 396 00:15:15,295 --> 00:15:18,457 AND WELL, AT MIDNIGHT, THEY DID MORE THAN JUST KISS. 397 00:15:18,458 --> 00:15:21,300 AFTER SHE GOT PREGNANT, FELICIA MOVED OUT OF TOWN 398 00:15:21,301 --> 00:15:23,842 AND SHE HAD THE BABY. BUT SHE SWORE ME TO SECRECY, 399 00:15:23,843 --> 00:15:25,714 SO YOU CAN'T TELL JOE ANY OF THIS. 400 00:15:25,715 --> 00:15:28,637 I HAVE TO TELL HIM. WE ARE ABOUT TO GET MARRIED. 401 00:15:28,638 --> 00:15:30,469 I KNOW, THAT'S EXACTLY WHY YOU CAN'T TELL HIM TODAY. 402 00:15:30,470 --> 00:15:33,182 IT'LL RUIN EVERYTHING. YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT. 403 00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:34,893 - THIS IS AWFUL! - YEAH. 404 00:15:34,894 --> 00:15:37,016 YOU GONNA ERASE THAT PICTURE OFF YOUR PHONE NOW? 405 00:15:37,017 --> 00:15:40,229 EH, THERE'S NO PHOTO. YOU DIDN'T FLASH ANYBODY LAST NIGHT. 406 00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:42,442 HUH, REALLY? I THOUGHT I HAD MORE FUN. 407 00:15:44,364 --> 00:15:46,366 ( classical music playing ) 408 00:15:50,991 --> 00:15:53,242 RYDER. SO? 409 00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:54,873 GRANDPA'S NOT HERE YET. 410 00:15:54,874 --> 00:15:56,625 - DO WE WAIT FOR HIM? - WHAT A SURPRISE. 411 00:15:56,626 --> 00:15:58,877 I SHOULD HAVE BET SOMEBODY 50 BUCKS HE'D BE LATE TO THIS WEDDING. 412 00:15:58,878 --> 00:16:02,291 PAY UP, JOSEPH. HELLO, EVERYBODY. 413 00:16:02,292 --> 00:16:04,253 WELCOME TO MY DAUGHTER'S WEDDING. 414 00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:07,256 I'M SO PLEASED YOU COULD ALL MAKE IT. 415 00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:09,428 RUSSELL, I WANT YOU TO MEET SOMEONE. 416 00:16:09,429 --> 00:16:10,589 MOM. 417 00:16:10,590 --> 00:16:12,391 RUSSELL, THIS IS MY MOTHER GLORIA. 418 00:16:12,392 --> 00:16:16,265 MOM, THIS IS MEL'S DAD, SENATOR RUSSELL BURKE. 419 00:16:16,266 --> 00:16:18,857 WELL, I AM VERY PLEASED TO MEET YOU. 420 00:16:18,858 --> 00:16:21,150 GLAD YOU COULD SQUEEZE US IN. 421 00:16:21,151 --> 00:16:24,733 NOW WHEN YOU TAKE MEL DOWN THE AISLE... 422 00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:26,775 NOT TOO FAST, NOT TOO SLOW. 423 00:16:26,776 --> 00:16:28,447 JUST STAY IN STEP WITH THE MUSIC. 424 00:16:28,448 --> 00:16:29,778 IT'S NOT BRAIN SURGERY. 425 00:16:29,779 --> 00:16:32,321 MY GOODNESS, AREN'T YOU A SHRINKING VIOLET? 426 00:16:32,322 --> 00:16:35,374 SENATOR, LET'S SAVE THE SMART COMMENTS TILL WE'RE DONE 427 00:16:35,375 --> 00:16:36,875 AND JUST DO WHAT I SAY. 428 00:16:36,876 --> 00:16:38,878 ABSOLUTELY, PRINCESS. 429 00:16:41,121 --> 00:16:42,831 HEY, COME HERE. 430 00:16:42,832 --> 00:16:45,714 UM, LOOK, YOU REMEMBER OUR AGREEMENT, RIGHT? 431 00:16:45,715 --> 00:16:47,256 - OH YEAH. - OKAY. 432 00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:49,338 WHAT WAS IT AGAIN? 433 00:16:49,339 --> 00:16:52,181 AFTER THE WEDDING, YOU'RE TELLING MEL AND JOE THAT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO COLLEGE. 434 00:16:52,182 --> 00:16:54,513 - YOU CAN'T KEEP PUTTING IT OFF. - YEAH, YOU KNOW, 435 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,475 I REALLY THINK THE BEST WAY FOR ME TO TELL THEM 436 00:16:56,476 --> 00:16:58,348 IS FOR YOU TO TELL THEM. 437 00:16:59,899 --> 00:17:02,901 - WHAT? THEY LIKE YOU BETTER. - EVERYBODY LIKES ME BETTER. 438 00:17:02,902 --> 00:17:05,695 BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT. THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM AND YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM. 439 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:09,818 HEY, ZANDER. 440 00:17:09,819 --> 00:17:11,360 I'M ABOUT TO DO THE PROCESSION, 441 00:17:11,361 --> 00:17:14,913 HOWEVER MY PHONE CREATES AN UNSIGHTLY BULGE 442 00:17:14,914 --> 00:17:16,956 AND RUINS THE SLEEK LINE OF MY PANT. 443 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,959 WOULD YOU BE A BUD AND HOLD THIS FOR ME? 444 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:24,754 SURE, ANYTHING TO FIX THE UNSIGHTLY BULGE IN YOUR PANT. 445 00:17:32,222 --> 00:17:34,224 ( wedding processional playing ) 446 00:18:26,936 --> 00:18:30,610 FRIENDS, FAMILY, POWER BROKERS OF TOLEDO... 447 00:18:32,992 --> 00:18:34,153 WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY 448 00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:35,614 TO CELEBRATE THE MARRIAGE 449 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,826 OF MELANIE ALISON BURKE 450 00:18:37,827 --> 00:18:39,328 AND JOSEPH PAUL LONGO. 451 00:18:39,329 --> 00:18:41,119 AS WE ALL KNOW, 452 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,623 MEL AND JOE BOTH LOVE TO GET THE LAST WORD IN. 453 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,876 SO THE DECISION ON WHO WOULD READ THEIR VOWS FIRST 454 00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:50,840 WAS DETERMINED THIS MORNING BY COIN TOSS. 455 00:18:52,342 --> 00:18:54,052 IT'S ALL YOURS, JOE. 456 00:18:54,053 --> 00:18:55,094 THANK YOU, JUDGE. 457 00:18:56,676 --> 00:18:59,017 MEL... 458 00:18:59,018 --> 00:19:01,180 I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD EVER MEET SOMEONE 459 00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:03,602 THAT I COULD SHARE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING WITH. 460 00:19:03,603 --> 00:19:05,264 ALL MY GOOD QUALITIES 461 00:19:05,265 --> 00:19:08,528 AND MY... NOT-SO-GOOD QUALITIES. 462 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,940 BUT WHEN I LOOK IN YOUR EYES, 463 00:19:11,941 --> 00:19:14,032 I REALIZE THAT... 464 00:19:14,033 --> 00:19:17,277 I NEVER KICKBOXED. 465 00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:19,578 NOPE. 466 00:19:19,579 --> 00:19:21,950 YOU DIDN'T HURT MY FOOT WHEN WE WERE DANCING. 467 00:19:21,951 --> 00:19:23,412 I ACTUALLY HURT MY FOOT 468 00:19:23,413 --> 00:19:26,246 WHEN I WAS DIRT-BIKE RIDING WITH THE FELLAS YESTERDAY. 469 00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,289 I KEPT IT A SECRET. 470 00:19:30,290 --> 00:19:31,880 I KNOW IT'S SMALL, 471 00:19:31,881 --> 00:19:35,173 BUT IT'S NOT THE WAY YOU ENTER INTO A MARRIAGE 472 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,756 WITH THE WOMAN YOU'RE GONNA SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH. 473 00:19:37,757 --> 00:19:39,638 SO HERE'S MY VOW... 474 00:19:39,639 --> 00:19:42,681 I PROMISE I WILL LOVE YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. 475 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:45,804 AND I PROMISE YOU THAT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, 476 00:19:45,805 --> 00:19:48,978 I WILL ALWAYS BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH YOU. 477 00:19:54,113 --> 00:19:56,154 MEL, YOUR TURN. 478 00:19:56,155 --> 00:20:00,239 WHAT CAN I SAY THAT CAN TOP THAT? 479 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,372 OBVIOUSLY NOTHING. 480 00:20:06,286 --> 00:20:07,287 MEL? 481 00:20:09,128 --> 00:20:11,250 RIGHT. 482 00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:12,422 HERE GOES. 483 00:20:23,102 --> 00:20:24,763 MEL? 484 00:20:24,764 --> 00:20:26,224 WE'RE STILL WAITING. 485 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,646 YOUR TURN FOR THE VOWS. 486 00:20:27,647 --> 00:20:29,348 ( stammers ) I HAD SOMETHING, 487 00:20:29,349 --> 00:20:32,190 UM, BUT I'M... JUST DRAWING A BLANK. 488 00:20:32,191 --> 00:20:33,982 WELL, JOE SAID 489 00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:36,815 VERY NICE WORDS ABOUT LOVE AND HONESTY. 490 00:20:36,816 --> 00:20:38,857 MAYBE YOU COULD RIFF ON THAT. 491 00:20:38,858 --> 00:20:42,030 RIGHT RIGHT... HONESTY. 492 00:20:42,031 --> 00:20:43,662 YOU KNOW... 493 00:20:43,663 --> 00:20:46,244 I'VE BEEN KEEPING A SECRET FROM YOU TOO, JOE. 494 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,786 AND HERE IT IS. 495 00:20:47,787 --> 00:20:49,127 SHE BOUGHT ANOTHER DRESS. 496 00:20:49,128 --> 00:20:51,420 THAT'S IT. GET MARRIED ALREADY. 497 00:20:51,421 --> 00:20:53,251 WELL, THAT IS TRUE ABOUT THE DRESS. 498 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:56,966 BUT THERE IS SOMETHING MORE. 499 00:21:02,342 --> 00:21:03,842 I HAVE A SECRET DOG HOUSE? 500 00:21:03,843 --> 00:21:05,014 NO. 501 00:21:09,148 --> 00:21:10,188 A SECRET DAUGHTER? 502 00:21:10,189 --> 00:21:13,022 ( gasping ) 503 00:21:15,985 --> 00:21:17,566 YEP. 504 00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:20,399 WHEW, WELL... 505 00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:21,321 I FEEL GOOD NOW. 506 00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:22,781 ALL RIGHT, ( clears throat ) 507 00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,203 I'M READY TO DO MY VOWS NOW.